I've fallen and I don't want to get back up

It seems in the spiritual world the message these days is about falling, and making sure to get up.  They are words of encouragement to be sure, reminding us that no matter how we fall, no matter what life hands us, the measure of who we are is that we get up again.  Well I've got some experience with that, spent most of my life like a Jack-in-the-box, always brushing off when life hit hard, jumped right back up and into the fray, refusing to be undone by challenges.

...and life happened.

Today I found myself wanting to argue with that, was tired of the message about getting back up. One more comment and I was seeing red, I wanted to argue, wanted to scream that sometimes you can't get back up, you don't want to face the life, certainly not where you've been and not the challenge, the battles, the failure, the difficulty, and sometimes you just don't have the strength to get back up.  Sometimes,  there is nothing left to stand on.

So, it left me mulling over the why's.  Life has certainly been at the peak of challenges for life these past years, for many of us.  So, what's the issue about getting up.  I've started to equate it with domestic abuse, how a woman will go back and try, over and over and over again, and get beaten into believing her life worthless.  I don't want to be that person, don't want to stand back up to take a whooping from life.  Standing up just puts us back in the line of fire again and that life is no longer one to be a part of.  So, what's a woman to do.

I'd just like to stay down here for awhile, out of range.  I've no desire to go back into that maelstrom of existence.  That perhaps there's a small tunnel down here that I can withdraw to another place of existence, or certainly avoid what sent me down in the first place.  I don't think this is about avoidance or denial, it seems, or rather feels more that I don't want to live life that way anymore.  That feeling battered and bruised, of falling so very hard is not a way for living.  So, I'm going to have a look-see around, see what this place feels like, try to honor what these feelings are, that life is simply hard, harder than it's ever been and I'd like to sit rather than stand.  I'm tired, have been tired for a long time that putting one foot in front of the other feels like moving a mountain.  And frustrated, that everything I've desired hasn't worked out the way I'd hoped, I'm tired of trying and tired of holding hope up high and feeling defeated.  So perhaps it is time to get a different perspective ... and ...

down here low down and resting off my feet is where I'll be. 

The rushing crowd can pass me by, I don't mind.  

And all the achievers can run for the money, I won't mind.

And we shall see.  

Of course we'll see the knees of trees 

and all the people still standing 

but it's a different perspective.  

And we get to look up.  

Hopefully, it's at life.